The Bisexual Stigma

Unfortunately bisexual identity still does not have cultural legitimacy accorded to heterosexual and lesbian/gay identities, (possibly because of the slutty representations on reality tv - thank you Tila Tequila) other than Ms. Tequila i am genuinely confounded by the lesbian and gay communities inability to see bisexuality as a legitimate sexuality. As a Bisexual woman I prefer the term queer because bisexuality has such a negative cultural stigma that delegitimizes my sexuality, particularly within adamant gay and lesbian communities that believe bisexuality is just a stop over to gay or lesbo island. This year at pride, i experienced some homophobia and bi-phobia. However, it was the bi-phobic conversation between myself and a lesbian that was particularly off putting - the conversation went something like this:

me: i was thinking of taking that lesbian studies course in SDS, how was it?
Lesbian: but aren't you *just* bi ?
me: and aren't you're *just* a lesbian?
Lesbian: i see what you mean but you probably won't be able to relate to the readings

I don't self identify as lesbian but i don't think that absolves my desire to understand and learn about lesbian theories. One of my favorite articles on sexuality is Adrienne Rich's "Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence" - this article gave me a strong understanding about the various degrees of female friendships and lesbian existences - Rich de-sexualizes the term lesbian through her corollary term "lesbian continuum" and as a result is able to call attention to the variety of bonds formed between women and the various functions those bonds play in the lives of women. Creating divides between lesbian women and bisexual women can be incredibly harmful to female friendships, community building and the celebration of sexuality in general. This is exactly why i was so confounded by such an arrogant comment, which unfortunately i have heard before.

To say bisexual woman cannot relate to lesbian issues only creates a hostile and dichotomous divide between bisexuality as inferior to so-called superior lesbian and gay communities who are culturally considered to be more legitimate. Am I ignorant because i have not fully transitioned my bisexuality into a lesbian identity? am i a traitor due to my non-gender exclusive desires? or is it the heterosexual privilege i am awarded if i am with a man?

In the United States lesbian and gay communities want a predominantly heterosexual and patriarchal system to grant them gay marriage, wouldn't this require politicians to empathize with the their desire for equality? After having conversations about lesbian and gay hostility towards bisexuals, i am always left wondering where the empathy is?

I have always perceived the lesbian and gay community to be a place where queer sexuality is celebrated and safe - but after considering these tensions i start to wonder where the celebration of sexual diversity has gone? If one lesbian believes bisexuals are incapable of empathizing lesbian identities, then how many other lesbians believe the same thing? what happen to solidarity?