I am trying to say that as femmes we found a way to create a sexual space for ourselves that made us different from the traditional woman and yet let us honor our women selves. We exiled ourselves from one land but created another. I have a feeling that butches started out with a certain clarity also, and that clarity… was about how to be powerful in their bodies and their visions of themselves, the same way we wanted to be in our femme, giving selves. The language binds us. I am not sure it is masculinity, even if they say it is and it looks like it. They too chose exile from gender to be another kind of creation.

— Joan Nestle, “Femme Tapes” 267

Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, the writer of the "femme is any way of being a girl that doesn't hurt" talks about femme identity on fuck yeah femme

Hey- I’m not sure if this is the right way to respond, because I don’t really understand tumblr. But I was skimming this blog and came across some conversation about a repost of a quote from my 2008 keynote at the Femme Conference. The quote was “Femme is any way of being a girl that doesn’t hurt,” and there were a variety of responses- some expressing hurt and anger at their read of that quote as transphobic, thinking that “girl” just meant cisgendered women, some expressing a belief that yes, femme should just mean cis lesbian women, and more.

As the writer of that sentence, I want to clarify what I meant by it. This is especially important for me as a queer, disabled, working class writer of color. I want to be clear about what I mean by my intellectual property when it’s debated, because so often queer and trans people of color and other folks with identities that are marginalized by whitecapitalistablistbullshitpatriarchy have our ideas discussed without us. And, as the disability rights movement has asserted, “Nothing about us without us.”

So, to clarify: I don’t believe that “femme” is a gender identity that is or should be restricted to cisgendered queer women. I think of femme as a broad spectrum of gender identities that claim and are a spirit of ass-kicking femme strength, beauty and complexity that resists racist, sexist, classist, ableist ideas of what femininity is . I know and love and claim many, many kinds of femmes in my communitites as loved and needed ones- ciswomen, transwomen, Two Spirit folks, and genderqueer and trans folks (including femme boys and bois) who embody many kinds of gender in their bodies. In using the word ‘girl’ in that speech, I was using shorthand. In my everyday speech, I often use the words ‘girl’ and ‘boy’ as a shorthand that encompasses a lot more than a limited idea of girl/boy as cisgirl, cisboy. I was not meaning ‘girl’ as equaling ‘ciswoman only” but as the many ways of embodying femmeness or femininity- something that I hope was clear from the rest of the keynote. (I can understand, thinking about this more, how using this shorthand wasn’t an ideal way to express the concepts I was going for and am going to think about what might be a better way of deploying language around expressing what I believe about femmeness.) I’m sorry this wasn’t clear, but I want to be clear about it now.

I think femme is its own beautiful, revolutionary thing, and it is embodied many ways by many different genders and bodies. Creating and murturing communities with an ass-kickingly broad definition of femmeness is part of making femme communities that don’t hurt and that work for liberation, for me. I am interested in building communities of liberation where we get to do this work, love each other and where we don’t reify an idea of femme of being just one way- and especially when that one way translates to just being white, cis, skinny, able bodied, middle-class femininity.

That’s what I believe and what I meant ;)

Thanks,

Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinh

via fuckyeahfemmes

Queer Fat Femme: What it means to be femme

“The concept of femme that I employ doesn’t have anything to do with my partners, it doesn’t mean that I insist on butch/femme or heteronormative relationship structures. It doesn’t mean I’m passive in bed. It doesn’t mean that I need to constantly wear dresses and makeup and have two hours to get ready. I’ve had some pretty lengthy getting dressed sessions, to be sure, but I’m pretty comfortable in jeans, slip-ons, and *gasp* even men’s clothing. As simply as I can put it, femme is my gender identity and a political stance.

It has a lot to do with:

1. How I feel very emphatically female, regardless of what I wear, how I present or how I behave. It resonates with me on a level that is difficult to explain. I think femme is/can be queerly gendered.

2. How I enjoy putting on outfits and presenting in a way that is flamboyantly feminine, almost to caricature. Sometimes above and beyond caricature. It’s a persona that I put on which acts as both a critique of forced stereotypical femininity and a celebration of the choice to be feminine without doing so unquestioningly, as the result of socialization.

3. How I feel that certain manifestations of femininity itself are often ripped down altogether in feminist/lgbt/queer politic and make a point out of openly defying those who don’t like or don’t want to understand “girly.” Or those who think that anyone who doesn’t make the same choices that they do can’t be a feminist. Feminism isn’t about how you look, and neither is femme, really.

I am trying to say that as femmes we found a way to create a sexual space for ourselves that made us different from the traditional woman and yet let us honor our women selves. We exiled ourselves from one land but created another. I have a feeling that butches started out with a certain clarity also, and that clarity… was about how to be powerful in their bodies and their visions of themselves, the same way we wanted to be in our femme, giving selves. The language binds us. I am not sure it is masculinity, even if they say it is and it looks like it. They too chose exile from gender to be another kind of creation.
Joan Nestle, “Femme Tapes” 267

A Privilege and Disadvantage: Femme Invisibility

Waiting for the streetcar yesterday morning, I looked over to find a middle-aged man staring, voraciously, at me (*gag*). I wear dresses almost every day; I wear make-up almost every day; I wear earrings, jewellery, and pretty things almost every day. I'm a girly-girl. But I'm queer so that makes me a femme. I am a femme. So, Mr. Middle-Aged Sicko... F***-Off! I'm not dressed like this for you! Avert your eyes or I'll be tempted to kick you.

I am a queer femme and this is a contentious identity claim in many respects. Allow me to elaborate.

In terms of privilege, I am definitely privileged as a femme in the "society-at-large:" I am pretty much undetectable as queer (passing almost always as straight) which leads to the disadvantage of this very privileged identity... I'm also invisible in the queer community and to other queer people.

While I may pass as straight, it is difficult to always be "outing" myself, dealing with people's surprise when they discover I'm queer/gay/not straight. And their shock is, in some respects, a little homophobic. Most people have a very limited ideal of what a queer person will or should look like... and I don't fit that ideal for the general population. Within my family, I believe much of their disbelief (about my queerness) stems from the fact that I don't look or act "gay" (but also because of their homophobia). That's probably the most significant oppression I have to live with. I can handle the oohing and aahing when I come out to other people but it hurts that my family does not/will not accept who I am. However, I am sure I look so straight in part because I must manage my appearance for fear of upsetting my family (who I live with). While being a femme is very much who I am, because of the respect I have for my family, I look more like a straight girl than a queer femme per se. But this is a small sacrifice that I am willing to make because I do love and respect my family and it's really not worth the visibility in my opinion at this time.

As for the issue of femme invisibility within the queer community, I will be honest and say that I don't partake in that community very much. I barely leave my house except for school but that's another story altogether. Nonetheless, it's upsetting and annoying that when I want to be read as queer, I am not. Especially when there is a babe sitting across from me on the subway and she obviously has no idea I'm queer too!

Now What?
I believe this is one of the biggest issues I struggle with, particularly in terms of my family. I can't be too "loud and proud" because it's just not an option for me right now and having a "double life" as things are hard enough. As for being a femme, I've heard some arguments that femmes are subversive: they subvert the gender norms of femininity as well as the expectations of what a queer female is/should be. One such film where these ideas are discussed is FtF: Female to Femme (check out the trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mK9m7ls7crk). It implies that femme is a valid sexual and gender identity that has power to subvert hegemony through this form of gender performativity (a la Judith Butler). So, I guess being a femme is activism in and of itself... but I just have to work on asserting that part of my identity, in public at least.


via my friends awesome privilege diary for school

tom boy femmes

Why are so many queer women still under the impression that, because they’re a tomboy or sometimes feel butch/boyish, they’re not really femme or are “less” femme? For me, this is exactly wrong. I see tomboy femme as a form of gender mixing (not gender transgression) that’s both inside and outside the categories of butch and femme. I’m fascinated by tomboy femmes because their gender play makes visible the fluidity and flexibility of femme, which is otherwise difficult to see. - sublimefemme on the tomboy femme.

via fuckyeahfemmes